Men, Women and Feelings (gulp)

I was talking to a friend yesterday who recently broke up with her fiancé (it was mutual). This was a man she had known since she was 16 years old, dated for 4 years and became engaged to a little less than a year ago. She was totally devastated and even now (4 months later) she is just starting to feel ok and functional. Anyway, the point of this story is that she saw him about two weeks after they had “the talk” and broke things off for good. He was sitting in a restaurant with 3 other guys - just eating, laughing, joking and seemingly having the time of his life. He showed no outward signs of depression or even sadness. She said it was a real wake up call for her, that she was shocked - she had been forced to the same restaurant by her best friend practically against her will - because she needed to eat. She looked like death (her words, not mine). She was blurry-eyed from crying and she and her friend has spoken of nothing but him for the last two weeks straight. In short, she was in the throes of heartbreaking, post-break-up depression and anxiety.

My question ….what is the secret? How can men distance themselves immediately from this type of situation/grief? He lost just as much as she had; I mean, he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with this girl. But they have the ability to totally avoid all the bullshit that women go thru after a break-up – I know they don’t spend hours talking to their friends about it. I'm sure they don’t analyze and re-analyze their every movement and action leading up to the big event. They have some type of awesome coping mechanism and damnit, I want to know what it is! Maybe I can try it….

I know, I know - men and women are different. We are more sensitive creatures, - but surely they have some feelings. Why do they bounce back after a couple days and we are left sniveling into our pillowcases, sobbing and asking, “why me” for the next several months? Do we invest too much of ourselves in the relationship to begin with? Are women collectively suffering from such low self-esteem and self-worth that as soon as we are without our man, we fall apart?